Firstly, they will isolate you but be discussing you (unbeknownst to you) with your family and friends. He will be telling them that you are psychologically unstable so that when you admit the abuse- people won’t believe you because they will think “well we were warned that she’s losing it”.
The image a “smart” or “covert” abuser will use is very pleasant, calm, friendly and approachable. He won’t show how he really is to anyone but family members or household members. Everyone will think that he’s a great guy because he saves his abuse for when there are no witnesses.
Even with evidence of abuse and harassment, courts will not care. I am not sure how bad the abuse has to be for courts to take it seriously but they certainly do not care about verbal, emotional, or low level physical abuse. They will pretend that the abuse was mutual.
The abuser can be very charming and never loses his cool in public. But when he is at home- he will do and say the most horrible things imaginable. The children fear him. The children are afraid to speak out. So the healthy parent speaks out. And is promptly discredited for any number of reasons but the healthy parent will be discredited.
Courts are not interested in the best interest of the child. Lawyers are not interested in the best interest of the child.
It’s a catch-22. You speak up about what’s happened- you’re a liar. You stay quiet- why didn’t you say something?
The abuser will wear away at your energy, he will send you messages upon messages upon messages accusing you of things you haven’t done. You don’t know whether to respond or not but the intention is to wear you down.
If your lawyer is not good, you will lose no matter what.
Short Stories, Political Commentary, and the Information the Government Does Not Want You To Find by Kristina Tehrani 