To see or not see….a therapist

I think I’ve overgrown any kind of counseling. I had a great therapist about 8 years ago but she moved so I have intermittently tried others here and there since then.
It’s no secret. I don’t find it embarrassing. But I will say I think I’ve outgrown it totally. It’s gotten to the point where the last couple (okay everyone since the lady 8 years ago who taught me cognitive behavioral therapy)- like I’ve been the teacher to the therapists.
This last one- well it got to a kind of embarrassing point, the stuff I had to tell her because she’s maybe 25 years old, no kids, I am not sure what her degree is in, but she doesn’t even have a basic understanding of medicine. And she has a chip on her shoulder I found out.
So we all know that I’ve been busy as all get out with therapies for my neck and back since the semi crash- it’s not even been three months believe it or not.
So I couldn’t sleep the other night because my neck was hurting so much, I finally fell asleep at 4 AM. I was not about to not sleep in after that. I skipped the stuff I was scheduled for in the morning of course. Because we all know that not getting sleep is bad for your health.
I get up in time for my therapist appointment though and even show up. Both my kids had strep last week- one in the throat and the other in a rash that had skin breakdown. So both of them are still recovering and on antibiotics. I don’t want strep- and I’ve obviously been very much exposed- so also I’m getting extra rest to try and prevent it.
All makes sense right?
So I’m doing my appointment with this therapist and she’s weird about the fact that I got up late because I couldn’t sleep until basically morning. When I told her about the neck thing- she says “what’s that sickness that causes neck pain? Mono?” I laughed and said “you mean meningitis?? No, I really don’t think I have meningitis. I think I still have pain from being hit by the semi and the whiplash diagnosis that I’m being seen for”.
I said “I am running a fever though so I’m trying to get some extra rest, make sure I don’t get sick too”. She says “are you going in? For strep? I thought you can only get that in the throat”. I said “no I’m not going in after one day of low grade fever. I’ve had too many viruses that can’t be treated, why waste my time? I’ll see if other symptoms develop and then go in if they do. And yeah strep can infect any open wound. It’s like staph. It’s just bacteria that can infect mucosa” I didn’t use the word mucosa because I figured if she didn’t know the difference between mono and meningitis- she’s not going to know what mucosa is.
Then, she says “what goals have you achieved this week?”
I rattled off a short list but hey I did get some things done.
She was like “I don’t know how to help you” and I was like “what do you mean?” And she says “you seem like you’re more depressed and sleeping a lot and I’m worried and you’re not using resources I’ve provided” and I said “hey, I think I’m doing pretty well mentally, all things considered. I told you why I slept in today. And I’m literally being treated for insomnia but the medication doesn’t work every night. It’s not a miracle solution”. And “both my kids were sick all week, how much extra stuff am I supposed to get done? I know you don’t have your own kids but are you at least familiar with how time consuming it is to be a single parent?” She like “of course, I work with single moms all the time” then I say “yeah well how about single mom who have recently been hit by a semi, who have one kid with autism that they just had to pull out of school because he’s was assaulted and another child who’s father is literally still abusive and counterparening against me?”
This lady can’t just admit she’s being unreasonable in expecting me to prioritize this crap that she’s suggested I do over more important things like treating the pain that keeps me up at night.
So this is when it got so I realized “okay I shouldn’t have bothered getting out of bed to waste my time with this lady”. She’s over invested somehow and she doesn’t know me that well and she is afraid for me even though I haven’t shown any inexplicable signs of increasing depression.
I also reminded her that I had a concussion. I think anyone working in the medical field at all- should know that a serious car wreck with injuries is going to cause extra fatigue. DUH. Also, just because the things I’ve done aren’t on her priority list for me- that seems weird too. Giving me a hard time for prioritizing my physical injuries and my kids. She even said “you pay too much attention to your kids’ needs” and I laughed at that too, I was like “she just doesn’t get it”. So at that point I finally just said to her “look seems like your expectations of what I’m supposed to be doing and the reality are not matching. Also I’m an adult and probably twice your age” (I’m not twice her age but whatever) so I said “I think you’ve got some boundary issues to think about regarding yourself and what is a reasonable way to treat an adult. Let’s take some time to reevaluate whether this is the right fit because you don’t seem to understand that the reason I can’t get more done is that there aren’t enough hours in a day”.
But really I was thinking “I don’t think she’s had enough life experience to be a therapist for me and she’s also kind of hysterical”. Like I am still an RN, I know when to go in and when not to. I know my neck pain is from the accident and not some sudden and ridiculous bout of random meningitis 😂.
So I think I’ve had it with therapists. This one was the most annoying but over the last few years, it’s mostly been me telling them what’s going on and why I’ve responded that way and I’m not getting any new coping skills being taught to me or anything. It’s just a waste of time right now. I’m glad that I don’t have to take the time to meet with her anymore but I also think she was the one who wanted to stop but didn’t have the nerve to end herself and made me do it. Which annoys me too.
Or it could have been that I was wearing a Scott Jensen shirt? Either way, she should have been paying me not the other way around.
A good therapist is super hard to find but more so when you’re older and more experienced than these kids who just got out of school and panic out of nowhere. She didn’t even ask me stuff like “are you feeling more depressed? Are you having thoughts of hopelessness or self harm?” I mean, those are valid questions to ask before assuming someone is actually depressed about their circumstances. And I’m too busy to be depressed anyways. Maybe I wouldn’t be depressed either way. But I don’t feel depressed- just like I have a lot going on and I have to prioritize and one of my priorities is rest. Along with watching comedy and of course- my kids and their health. Spending too much time on my kids! Crazy talk.
That’s the rant. Pick therapists wisely because I wish I hadn’t wasted any time at all with this one.