Parental Alienation Part I:

My sons father has always been kind of a combative person. He’s always been insecure about himself and generally kind of unhappy. I met him when I was still married but was having some marriage issues. I married young and even though my husband was a good friend to me- we were just too young and different from each other for it to work as a marriage. I had separated from my husband and was doing couples counseling to see if there could be a way to make it work.

During this time, I met a waiter at a restaurant I frequented. I didn’t have any romantic interest in him at first but he apparently did feel that way towards me immediately.

He was eventually able to persuade me to give him my phone number. From there, I agonized over what to do. I needed a friend and I was torn about whether my marriage could be saved.

After a few months, this man convinced me that it couldn’t work with my husband and I believed him. From there, it became a tumultuous romantic relationship.

The man, Jim, saw himself as a misunderstood artist. He was moody sometimes and I did notice his overreactions to perceived slights. I also realized that this was a red flag. My husband had not been like that. I ended up ignoring the red flag and chose instead to focus on what I liked about him. He was funny, attractive, interesting and fun most of the time.

However, not only was I not ready for a new relationship- the red flags began to mount. He would sometimes mock me in front of his friends, he would get upset if I made plans without his permission. One time, I was staying over at his apartment and I was cold. He refused to give me a blanket. Another time, I told him I had to leave his apartment to feed my pet and he became angry with me. I was pretty surprised at that. Shocked, even.

As time went on, things got worse. He would “wrestle” with me but in actuality, it was more like he was physically beating me. He tried to control who I spent time with. He would give me the silent treatment when he was upset with me about something. He pressured me constantly to engage in sexual acts that I absolutely did not want to do. Even so, he actually tried to force me into it once.

I started to feel distant towards him. In retrospect, I think I was unconsciously avoiding him. I was a full time student and I also worked full time to support myself. I guess for him, that was the breaking point. He didn’t speak to me at all for a few months once I had increased my hours in order to pay my bills. But I didn’t know why he was ignoring me. I asked many times and he would not respond.

Unfortunately, by this time, I had let him move in with me. It had been more his decision than mine because his roommate had decided to move out of the state. So Jim had nowhere to go, really. He could have gotten his own apartment- but working full time would have interfered with his artistic pursuits.