Beware testosterone supplements- specifically for women in perimenopause

When I was a kid- maybe 5 or 6 years old- my grandfather had a stroke. He survived but he was 90% or more paralyzed. He lived like that for 7 years. Even at the time- I couldn’t understand how he could go on. He didn’t have the physical ability to end his own suffering.
He was a kind, brilliant, distinguished man. His brain- still seemed to work exactly the same. He was trapped in his broken body. I loved him still but I also felt so so sad for him. I don’t know if he would have ended things sooner if he could have but I remember watching my grandmother- bless her heart- trying to get him to talk again. It didn’t work and I swore I could see the look of futility in his eyes.
I can’t burden anyone that way and I can’t live like that. I just can’t. That’s why I was so terrified. It was maybe dying that scared me- it was existing in that state.
I am a nurse and I skirt the rules when it comes to how I treat myself. After those high readings- first of all- I was hysterically frightened- but I also suspect it possible I had a transient ischemic attack- a mini stroke. Those are detectable on CT and MRI. That is a warning sign of oncoming major stroke- which means I have to find a primary right away.
I fell asleep after taking every medication I could find in the house that would lower my blood pressure. This is not nursing or medical advice. This is an explanation. I was rude to people and still rude the following day. I was out of my mind at the time. Super high blood pressure will do that to a person.
I am always afraid of the hospital. Always. I dug my heels into that fear the other night. I was mostly afraid that I’d end up like my grandfather. That they’d keep my body alive regardless of whether it would work at all anymore.
Those readings I got- were accurate- but by the time I was in the ambulance- the readings were starting to go down. In fact, my blood pressure started to bottom out. Because I have essentially a pharmacy at my house- just in case.
I was still groggy but it wasn’t really possible to prove to the EMTs that I had been running that high of a blood pressure. In the ambulance, one guy talked me out of going to the hospital that I trust. That right there shows how out of it I still was. When I cried and said I was afraid of ending up paralyzed- he started asking me if I’ve been feeling suicidal. I was taken aback. I didn’t see how my story about my grandfather could be interpreted that way.
But I stayed in the ambulance anyways hoping that there would be a way to check for what had happened (maybe).
They brought me to the waiting room because by this time my blood pressure was low rather than high. I was also so dehydrated- it was not possible to get an IV in nor was it possible for them to do much blood work.
I told them- the triage people- that it seems that any medical emergency appears to be over and that maybe I should go. The nurse said “well if you do go, just let us know so we don’t waste any time here” and I said “okay”.
A friend picked me up. I went home, hydrated and did some research before going to bed. What I’ve been taking- I’ll just say it- a hormone to help with the perimenopause I’ve been dealing with. The provider I have been seeing at New Kingdom- he told me of some possible side effects. Actually- he only named one- cancer.
But when I did research- testosterone- which I was hesitant to go on in the first place- but is a hormone that both men and women produce- testosterone supplements can cause extremely high blood pressure. Which makes sense now. I did alot of research and apparently this is a well known side effect that many men and women don’t find out until they incidentally check their blood pressure or they experience something like I did. “Worst headache of my life”. That’s called a “thunderclap headache”.
So for any of you who are maybe on testosterone or frankly any medication- always do your own research because I didn’t this time and look what happened.
I’m not sure if the same effect would have happened had I not misinterpreted my fatigue that week and been guzzling espresso additionally.
Unfortunately, many times doctors don’t mention all potential side effects- especially maybe like in my case- I truly DO run low. But I do have crazy high cholesterol. Which has been worrying me for awhile now. Pretty much the last few months.
You all were right about getting checked out and I felt awful- so awful about how I responded. I’ll be sending individual apologies. But I hope this helps someone else- in the sense that 1. If you’re out of your mind because of some physical cause, you probably won’t recognize it.

2. Check on anything you’re prescribed and know the risks versus benefits.
   I am the type of person who will still use some pharmaceuticals but I am also generally very careful.
   This testosterone theory is mine. It wasn’t suggested by someone else. I did my own research once my head cleared.