Basic Public Health and Epidemiology Information for General Audiences

Also note- much of the Covid-19 specific info is towards the bottom.

Attention- this is a work in progress.

Note: not medical advice.

Reason for this project- to give public a (hopefully) less biased view of science and to educate on public health basics.

My background: What makes me qualified to teach this subject? Extensive scientific education- have spent significant time working in public health- education, prevention, tropical diseases educating on all aspects of public health, epidemics, endemic diseases and vaccines. Graduate work as a master of science in public health. Licensed for medical practice.

General Relevant Medical Terminology Different Types of Disease Causing agents:

Antigen- something foreign in your body that will cause an immune response. Examples can be parasite, virus, bacteria, toxic chemicals, fungus.

“virus”: Infectious agent of small size that only multiples in a host (example person or animal)

Bacteria: similar to virus but more chemically “complicated”. Some live in our bodies naturally and it’s not a problem.

Microbe: a very small creature that we cannot usually see without a microscope. So viruses, bacteria, fungi, etc.

Morbidity: diseases that can ultimately strongly impact state of health- example: heart disease or obesity.

Mortality: commonly used as a “rate”- indicates how often a certain disease actually kills people. Example- heart disease kills X number of people per year.

Viral Load: *not exact definition* repeated exposure to a virus causes a person to be more likely to actually get the virus.

Pandemic: defined by the World Health Organization as “when a disease’s growth is exponential. This means growth rate skyrockets and each day cases grow more than the day prior”- source- publichealth.Columbia.edu

Therefore, according to WHO and Columbia (as well as other sources) we are no longer in a pandemic state as the disease in this case (Covid-19) is not growing at an “exponential rate”. Aka- it’s slowed down- ALOT.

Pharmaceutical Companies Target Kids: In January 2021, Pfizer finished enrolling 2,200 teens aged 12-15 in a clinical trial. Modena finished enrolling 3,000 teens aged 12-17 in its own study in February 2021- source cen.acs.org/. As of March, this age group was “approved” to receive the experimental vaccine* (*error- governmental sources were stating that the vaccine was safe for this age group and pushing for emergency authorization, but apparently not approved at this time (May 2, 2021).

How Humans Become Immune to things/How Immune System Works:

What are the different types of immunity to diseases? “Acquired by disease”- example- chicken pox. There is now a vaccine for this but it is one of the “newer” vaccines, meaning most adults have had the disease. Chicken pox is a virus, symptoms range from many itchy, red bumps all over the body lasting for a week or so to more mild symptoms such as only a few bumps. In no the cases, a person who has had the chicken pox disease is immune for life. The disease is not usually deadly. “Acquired immunity”- immune by vaccine.

What are the most common types of vaccines are how do they work?

Live vaccine: a small part of the virus or bacteria or microbe is administered usually by injection to the host (patient). The quantity of the microbe that is put into the hosts body is not enough to make him or her seriously ill, but is the most powerful and most long lasting way for the host to build immunity to the disease aside from actually having had the full blown disease. This type of vaccine usually has the most side effects and is not recommended for pregnant women, anyone who is immunocompromised due to disease or medications they make take.

Inactivated vaccine: particles of the microbe are introduced by injection to the host body and the body’s immune response reacts in a more mild way. These vaccines tend to have booster shots and traditionally do not last as long as live vaccines.

What are antibodies??

Definition of antibody: “proteins (immunonoglobulins) that are made in response to an antigen (virus, bacteria, germs, essentially) and can recognize and bind that antigen. Antibodies can help neutralize or destroy the antigen. Antibodies are highly specific in recognizing the original antigen” (source: Tortora, G. Funke, B. Case, C. Microbiology: An Introduction. 8th edition, published by Pearson. San Francisco, CA 2004*). I will continue to refer to this textbook throughout the article. Antibodies make molecules (compound structures)- an illustration will also be provided. Antibody structure (most basic) is a “Y” shape- having a “stem” and two arms. Antibodies are made by B cells.

Immunoglobulins: 5 classes: IgG- the Y shaped structure that makes up 80% of blood antibodies. Others are IgM, IgA, IgD, and IgE. IgG is most common in blood. Other immunoglobulins are more common in other parts of the body, such as mucus (for example). IgA is the most abundant immunoglobulin in the body*. “The main function of secretory IgA is probably to prevent the attachment of pathogens, particularly viruses and certain bacteria to mucosal surfaces. This is especially important in resistance to respiratory pathogens” (source- same textbook as indicated by asterisk*)

Testing for antibodies:

Laboratory testing for antibodies to novel coronavirus: blood test (that you may get in doctors office). Tests vary from site to site. There does not appear to be one uniform test. If you are tested by blood and have had the vaccine recently – you will likely test positive for antibodies. If you are tested and have NOT had the vaccine, you may still test positive for antibodies but it is unlikely unless the body has recently been exposed to the virus (aka antigen). This does not indicate presence or lack of long term immunity- IgG alone.

General antibody testing- Having no clear antibodies by blood test does not mean the body has not developed immunity to a disease. This is because antibodies are produced after being exposed to the antigen (whatever it may be). Immune memory cells will mount a response of antibodies if it encounters the antigen again several days after being exposed and may last for a few months at most. Therefore, antibody testing is not indicative of whether a person is immune to something or not.

To address: B cells, memory cells, primary and secondary response to antigen. Further examples of antigens also to be provided. B cell activation is necessary to mount an immune response-

Differences between antigens- antigens can be bacteria, virus, parasite, anything attacking the body (foreign substance that can cause illness). Famous example- cold virus or flu virus…another common one is E. Coli which is normally present to some degree in the intestines of humans and animals but when ingested, causes serious symptoms. Often considered a “food borne” illness.

Check this out as it is very similar to what’s going on now:

Polio Scare 1935-1960. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1383764/. see The Cutter vaccine- infected 40,000 people with polio virus- many partially recovered, some suffered paralysis at the site or administration. Famous advocate against Polio- American president FDR who contracted it as an adult and became paralyzed from the waist down. Started what is now know as The March of Dimes.

Contradictions from the American Government About Covid-19:

BMJ reports that those who have recovered from Covid-19 “may only need one dose”. Comes straight from the mRNA manufacturers- Pfizer and Moderna. https://www.bmj.com/content/372/bmj.n308

Also recent reports of vaccinated (with mRNA vaccines side effects including shingles and cold sores. Not widely reported on and of course, minimized by American press. Shingles (and cold sores) part of herpes viral family. Details somewhat sketchy and unbiased info hard to find. Unbiased= raw data.

Viral vector shedding- am investigating which vaccines are “competent” in replication- meaning that they may cause disease- even if it’s not the disease that the vaccine intends.

So what’s up with the experimental Covid19 shot?

Short answer- it’s an experimental shot.

Manufactures of vaccine are claiming that mRNA vaccines have no ability to “replicate”. Have not been able to definitively find data to refute this, HOWEVER, in Pfizer’s study detailing the experiments regarding the Covid-19 shot, mention is made of “unintended recipients of treatment (aka the shot)” and defines this as “family members NOT undergoing treatment (experimental shot), fetuses of pregnant women receiving “the treatment” and infants breastfeeding to mothers receiving the treatment. This suggests that THERE IS concern that people in close contact may be exposed to substances in the shot somehow.

In live vaccines- example yellow fever or MMR- nurses are advised to tell people getting those vaccines that it is possible that they can shed the virus through close contact with family members.

That Fauci guy says a lot of stuff- should we trust him? He may be happy if nobody remembers this:

Don’t forget (reminder to self) to detail failed HIV vaccination attempts Anthony Fauci.

So Fauci did this: 2007 STEP Trial HIV Vaccine gives people HIV:

So if I get the experimental Covid shot- will I get Covid?

Some Covid-19 vaccines using viral vector techniques. Non medical terminology explanation- vaccine manufacturers are claiming that the mRNA type of “vaccine” does not carry actual Covid-19. I believe that. What they put in are “instructions” on how to make antibodies to the Covid-19 virus. But there is a catch. The catch is that there needs to be a vector (something that carries something else like a virus) for the body to accept this information. The vector that is being used in some of these shots is called “adenovirus”- also known as “common cold” .

There are many many strains of the common cold. Many people are immune to a lot of them because we have kids or leave our homes, so we’ve gotten these colds and gotten over them and our bodies remember that. That is how our bodies are designed. One issue with using this new system of vaccines is that some of us are already immune to the vector (the cold virus they use to transmit the info) and if you’re not already immune to the type (strand) of cold virus they use- you will be after they give it to you. Again, because your body remembers this cold. This is a challenge in the new “vaccine” because that means that it may not work for a lot of people. https://www.clinicaltrialsarena.com/comment/adenovirus-vectored-covid-19-vaccines-efficacy-during-a-potential-revaccination/

What are other countries doing with the Covid shots? Why aren’t they giving it to everyone?

I put “vaccine” in quotes because I am not 100% sure that this can legally be called a vaccine given that it is experimental. And yes, it is still experimental status according to every government I think in the world.

Many countries have stopped recommending the use of this “vaccine” because of the likelihood that many people may already be immune to the vector that they use.

Back to immunity by disease regarding Covid-19. (Link to NIH) https://www.nih.gov/news-events/nih-research-matters/lasting-immunity-found-after-recovery-covid-19?fbclid=IwAR1q4YFE56tAf0IEmOCaYUSVsHhM6-A_7y2m4P-Sa_flDa8hRWmX3kWnv3k

Some of the studies have shown that people who have already had Covid-19 are having more severe reactions to the shot. Pfizer shows this-


CDC says masks decrease chance of transmitting Covid-19 by 0.5%


Medical Professionals Speak Out Against Experimental Shots and Lockdowns:


The Great Barrington Declaration

On Mandating Experimental Shots:

Federal Law Prohibits Mandates of Emergency Use COVID Vaccines, Tests, Masks — 3 Resources You Can Use to Inform Your School or Employer


The Epidemic That Doesn’t Make The Papers

By: Kristina Tehrani

2/10/2021, revised 3/16/2021

          Today I stopped by the gas station and as I was browsing for my favorite bottled tea, I happened across the newspaper stand. There were two publications- The Saint Paul Pioneer Press and the Minneapolis Star Tribune. The headlines were nearly identical. This is not a direct headline from today because I don’t recall exactly how it was phrased, but it was something along the lines of “Pandemic Rages On With No End In Sight”. As I mentioned, I don’t remember the exact wording but I DO remember how I felt reading that- depressed. I tend to not watch network news because I noticed some years ago that there seems to rarely be GOOD news; lots of death, destruction and gossip though. For the last year, the newspapers and general media has been milking the sensational nightmare of the Novel Coronavirus.

          Covid-19 began making in earnest American headlines around February of 2020. That is over one year past at this time. As of late, I have a difficulty considering Covid-19 to continue to be called “novel” because usually, the term “novel” implies “new” and often “temporary”. In early spring last year, the novel coronavirus efficiently and swiftly swept across the nation, sending probably the entire American population into a collective panic. Different people reacted differently, but I think it’s fair to say most people were terrified, or at least unusually bothered. When the pandemic came to my state of Minnesota, I reacted to it the same way I react to almost anything. I spent hours poring over research, data, studies and anecdotal accounts.

          Initially, I concluded that the virus was primarily airborne, supremely deadly, and unpredictable. The pandemic did not start in the United States; other countries had been dealing with it for weeks or months. I read studies that described the molecular structure of the virus as to be so small that it could be aerosolized and due to its miniscule weight, could take 20 minutes or so to sink to the ground. As a public health nurse, I looked to the CDC for answers. Incidentally, this is when I lost faith in the good intentions of the CDC. Their recommendations were to stay home as much as possible, wash your hands, avoid standing near others and avoid sick people. I can’t recall exactly what the recommendations were but they were saying generally “this is a symptomatic disease, and likely not airborne”. These recommendations did not seem to align with the studies I had read or any other general conclusions coming from the other countries who had been “infected” for some weeks or so earlier.

          I became suspicious of how it was that a “stay at home” mother, with some masters work in public health and no background in creating or administering a scientific study could find so much information contradicting the CDC in about 7 hours of online research. How was it that a huge organization filled with doctors, PhDs and scientists would not reach the same conclusions which the CDC later confirmed by summer of 2020? Initially, face masks were not recommended. Testing for the virus was unavailable and there was no contact tracing system in place that I was aware of.

I used to aspire to work for the CDC. Now my trust in them had wavered, to say the least. I used to accept their recommendations on most health subjects. After a year in grad school pursuing my master of science in public health, I had already been taught epidemiology. I also have a substantial background in exotic and tropical diseases due to several years working as a medical travel consultant. This novel coronavirus was not the first epidemic in the US. Not even the first pandemic. There had been epidemics and major public issues before. I did not understand the CDC’s secretive approach at all for this virus. The CDC even has an “outbreak response protocol”, which is logical, clearly stated and applies to everything from E. Coli outbreaks being traced to certain vendors to the seasonal flu. I wondered why this protocol did not seem to be occurring at any level of government health groups. They were treating Covid-19 as if all prior outbreak rules and experience were thrown out the window.

          Shortly following the (likely) inevitable spread of the virus to Minnesota, the freshman Governor of our state, Tim Walz declared a statewide emergency, which made sense at the time. However, this also seemed to cement the government’s control over everything having to do with the pandemic, which apparently was every aspect of life. Walz had just been elected Governor a few months prior to the pandemic. He ordered schools closed for 2 weeks (“to flatten the curve”) and closed most businesses with the exception of pharmacies, gas stations, grocery, liquor stores and chain department stores that sold groceries. The government endorsed reasoning behind this was “we know we’re all going to be exposed, so let’s try to minimize the entire population being sick at the same time, get our hospitals prepared so that we don’t end up with the entire population in emergency rooms at once overwhelming the health care system”. Seemed like a reasonable enough idea, although I DID wonder Well, maybe EVERYTHING should be closed for two weeks and then maybe the virus will not spread at all? However, I pushed my doubts aside since I had no decision making abilities anyways.

          However, once two weeks had passed, the emergency seemed to be either unaffected by the “lockdown” or the rhetoric changed to “we’re going to keep this at emergency level until further notice”. So two weeks became six, which then became months and now it’s been over one full year that the emergency is still at its peak or even worse. There have been constant messages by both the media and some government officials that “the worst is yet to come”. Is it though? Many people all over the world died from Covid-19, some did not die but had lingering damage to organs but many simply got sick for a week or so and bounced back.

In the spring of 2020, most people did not have access to be tested for the virus. This continued for a very long time. So, initially, most of the cases that we heard about were the severe ones- in which the patient had died or came very close to death. I had a more moderate experience. I got sick in March or April 2020. For about a week, I suspected that I was going to die. But I didn’t want to go to the hospital just in case I was wrong OR to surround myself with other sick people and catch something else that would do me in. So, I filled out a living will sort of thing, outlining where all my important documents were kept and all that, took every anti-inflammatory medication I had hoarded over the years, forced myself to eat and drink and lay in bed having mild hallucinations. After a week or two, I was feeling well enough to put trash into the trash can. From then on, I continued to feel mildly confused much of the time and had a swollen ear drum for a couple more months. It lasted all summer, really. Individual experiences with the virus have varied from asymptomatic (fairly common) to cold/flu like symptoms to death (which in the total number of infections has remained rare). So, that was my experience.

Over the summer, I met a woman who was involuntarily placed in a hospital psychiatric unit. She was in her late 60’s and had been living in a retirement home for years due to a moderate physical disability. She came to be in the psychiatric unit because after six months of isolation within the nursing home, she attempted suicide. She was not the only resident to be isolated- all of the residents were prohibited from interacting with others, both within the community and without. As far as I was told, she did not have a history significant for suicide attempts or other serious psychological disorders. She told me, “I am old, I’ve lived my life, I was lonely and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I was going crazy being alone all of the time. No visitors, no pets, no interactions with anyone. I felt like it was time to end my life”.

Would this woman have attempted suicide if she had not been isolated from nearly all human contact for several months? No. No, she wouldn’t have. Isolation is a form of psychological torture that has been used historically mainly in prisons as punishment.

Minnesotans had been experiencing an almost continuous isolation for almost a full year. More often than not, there is no in person school, people are not allowed to gather in small groups, holidays have been essentially canceled, Minnesotans are being mandated to not see anyone outside of their household, ever. The rules change sometimes, but overall, we’ve been isolated from each other. I used to celebrate Jewish holidays at a synagogue. I can’t do that anymore.

My son used to look forward to going to school to interact with other kids, now “school” is him staring at the computer for hours. He was an accelerated math student. Not anymore. He used to get services for autism. Not anymore. He hasn’t played with another child since the summer, when we would go to the playground. Not anymore, not in Minnesota. It’s too cold.

My daughter is four years old. She does not understand why she has nowhere to play. It’s affecting their mental health. It’s affecting my mental health. We used to go to the art museum. Not anymore. My kids are depressed. Schools may be opening again, but for how long? Kids are also failing in this distance learning model. All kids are being affected, but those with a lack of access to technology in addition to increased barriers to special education, barriers to sports, barriers to mental health services are particularly affected. These children are supposed to be the future. What kind of environment is this to raise healthy children??

I am concerned about the increased number of suicides in our state. I am concerned about friends I’ve lost last year to drug abuse during the pandemic. I am concerned that this is going to become “the new normal”. Violence by youth is up, I believe as a direct result of lack of structure. Many people have no way to get physical exercise as gyms have been on almost permanent lockdown since March 2020.

Governor Tim Walz has had “emergency executive powers” for over a year. Some Minnesotans are fighting it, some have already moved away, some have given up. The icing on the cake for Minnesotans is that none of these measures have been proven to stop the spread of covid-19. But these measures have been proven to destroy Minnesota- financially, emotionally, educationally, and effectively. In the course of one year, it feels as if we are on the brink of a partisan civil war. It’s past time to end the Governor’s dictatorship of the state. 

Where are the cost-benefit analysis for the mandates? Where is the public attention for kids and seniors that are so lonely, they want to die? Where is the publicity for the majority of kids literally failing school? Why are we ignoring all of this? How bad do things have to get before the real emergency is dealt with? As bad as Nevada, where youth suicide became such a problem that the government mandated schools open? The warning signs that our state is crumbling are here. Please heed them. This should not and cannot be the “new normal”. This imposed isolation is unsustainable at best and killing more Minnesotans than the actual virus at worst. We need to start healing our state before the executive branch of government completely eliminates representatives and we are in the position of seeking refuge elsewhere. I am not leaving my home state.


Thoughts on Freedom of Speech in an Orwellian Time: 2084

“Cancel culture” supposedly started with the “me too” movement a couple years back. As a woman and a feminist, I supported women speaking out about sexual harassment. I still support it.

I am not sure if that truly qualifies as “cancel culture” now in 2021 (or as I like to call it 2084) as almost everything is being censored. I have never, ever seen so many “liberal” white people angry about everything. And yes, it does seem to be people who have declared themselves as “liberals” who are silencing others.

I’ve noticed that it IS usually white women (who fancy themselves as the voice for the oppressed, I suppose) taking offense at everything including asking simple questions like “I didn’t get my saliva COVID test in the mail, did you get yours?” The reactions are over the top, illogical and immature. I was called a “Nazi Fascist” for suggesting that black and white people could probably work together on some things. I was called this by a bunch of white “liberal” women. I was shocked. Do people even know what a Nazi or fascist is?

It used to be that questioning things was good. Questions used to be a encouraged, expected, even. We are currently in a society whence questions (even about the mundane) have become unacceptable. Many fear asking questions as some of us are being ostracized for asking “well, do I really need this vaccine?” Unacceptable question now. It is also unacceptable to question the government. This is dangerous. Abraham Lincoln warned that if the United States were to descend into tyranny- it would be at the hands of our own people.

Freedom of speech is very important. Americans who don’t support freedom of speech make no sense to me. Why would anyone WANT censorship? The book 1984 is one of my favorites. It’s a classic. It was probably even banned at some point. All the other rebellious teenagers I grew up with read 1984 and denounced “Big Brother”. As an adult in 2021 in the US, we’re rapidly approaching this dystopian society. Censorship has become trendy somehow. Erasing history and banning books is en Vogue. I never thought I’d see the day that I would be arguing with the same teenagers I grew up with who seem to now be wanting “Big Brother”?! What changed? Is it the whole “I didn’t sell out, I bought in” thing? Because that’s how it’s coming across.

There are a number of stand up comics, black, white, women, Asian, every type of person- all for free speech. It’s not even a liberal/conservative thing. It’s a slippery slope to silence people for anything, really. I don’t use hate speech, I don’t agree with hate speech. But should it be completely illegal? I don’t know. Maybe. But once you go after someone for using a term like, for example, “kike”- what’s to stop people using other terms, terms that have been adopted into communities and reclaimed by those who are meant to be disparaged by such terms.

I like “heeb”. I AM a “heeb” and I like joking around too. Do I have family members that died in the Holocaust? Actually yes. I never met them of course, having been born in 1981, but I have visited Israel and my German Jewish sort of second cousin by marriage- her whole immediate family was incinerated. I would have loved to talk to her more but unfortunately I speak neither German nor Hebrew. So communication with this cousin was mainly gesture based.

Things are constantly changing. They say “the only thing you can count on is death and taxes”, but I think the only thing you can count on is that every element of the universe is constantly changing, for better or for worse. Astrophysicists recently found that every element in the periodic table “move” constantly. And we already know from chemistry and physics that those elements can change and form new elements under various circumstances.

Any effort to homogenize individual thought is going to ultimately be futile, as it is not natural by the laws of science or reasoning that this is possible. Our genes as human beings even resist homogenization. When you inbreed, you have problems because too much of anything leads to problems. You don’t have to be a scientist to know that.



When I was a kid, maybe eight or nine years old, I was enrolled in the “Big Brother, Big Sister” program. Coming from a family in which I was the only sister to my three younger brothers, I really appreciated my “big sister”. Lisa was in college at St. Thomas and we did things like drink Diet Coke and play truth or dare. Lisa also liked to buy me little keepsakes, mostly journals and books. I liked the journals and books; I loved to read and write.  

A few months into our budding sisterhood, for some reason that I cannot fathom now, my sister Lisa started buying me these dolls.  I don’t recall having a particular fondness for dolls and these were no ordinary Barbie or Raggedy Ann dolls. They were these elaborately painted ceramic clowns with ornate satin costumes. In retrospect, I would call the dolls “noir”, in a way. They were not happy clowns. Their faces were lifelike, but weary, as if they had already seen too much of the world. They were certainly not meant to be played with. At my age, I had never really experienced the idea of a toy to not play with.

The dolls also came with individual display stands inside their large and partially transparent boxes. The clowns ranged in size from about 8 inches to more than a foot and a half. This was the 1980’s, I don’t remember if there was a sad clown doll fad or not, but I think I remember being with Lisa in the mall one day and seeing such a clown in an upscale gift shop and Lisa asking me if I liked it and I must have said yes or had some sort of positive reaction. To be agreeable, of course. As it turns out, I should have been honest and said “they’re a bit creepy”, but how was I to know what would follow?  To be honest, I may have manufactured that memory in order to make sense of how these clown dolls ended up becoming such a bane to my existence.

It was not very long until I found myself the reluctant recipient of one such decorative clown. After receipt of the first clown, I brushed it off as a curious but isolated incident. However, I must have too enthusiastically accepted and given her the impression that I was a serious collector because the clowns became a regular gift, almost as regular as the diaries. I recall liking one clown. It was very feminine with bubblegum pink paint and white and pastel pink ruffles. Even as a child, I could appreciate couture to some level. Perhaps that was the first clown, because they progressively became larger and more frightening from then on.

I could not tell Lisa that the clowns scared me. After accepting a half dozen of them with false enthusiasm, I was too deep into it. I didn’t consciously make the connection between these garish porcelain clowns and the evil child-eating clown portrayed by Tim Curry in the Stephen King movie “It”, which I had recently seen with my elderly Persian grandmother. However, I did notice that I had begun to develop anxiety around these clown dolls. The clowns were stored out of sight in a closet, buried underneath things I would never have a use for. I hoped that the clowns would go away on their own, but that hope remained unfulfilled as apparently, the mother of all decorative clowns was soon to be bestowed upon me. A reckoning was coming.

The final clown I got from Lisa was the largest yet. I don’t know where she found these dolls, but this one must have been nearly half my height. The most imposing stationary clown I had ever seen in person. Real people dressed as clowns had never frightened me that I can recall. It was the glassy eyes and the ivory, motionless skin of the dolls that awoke a sense of fear. The possibility of demonic possession seemed very real in some of the more sinister looking clowns.

The night that Lisa had gotten me the clown doll to trump all others, I was sleeping in her dorm room (as I often did), in the living room on a couch-alone. The clown was stationed directly across the room from me; I was right in its line of sight. The clown appeared to be watching me out of the corner of one painted eye across the room. I tried not to make eye contact and a couple times looked away, and then glanced back to find that it seemed to have crept a millimeter closer to me. I was almost in a state of panic. I felt imminently in danger and could not turn my back to this clown. I didn’t even want to breathe too heavily for fear that it would notice me, come to life, and attack. I was not sure exactly what the clown would do to me in terms of physical harm, but it was obviously menacing. Who knows what these clowns are capable of? And did I really want to find out?

I lay rigid and sleepless most of the night on the couch, uncomfortably aware of my potential assailant in the corner resting (waiting?) against its display stand. At some point, Lisa came out of her room, noticed that I was wide awake and managed to pry the truth out of me. The charade was over. Somehow, Lisa made the connection between me having seen “IT” at the age of 8 and my fear of clowns.

You see, my grandmother had shown my three younger brothers and I the IT entire mini-series on tape. Bless her heart, she sincerely believed that because there was a clown in the movie, it was funny and appropriate for small children. She truly thought that we would love it. I am not sure about my brothers, but for me, not a single night passed for the next several years that I was not plagued by dreams of murderous clowns of every variety. Almost thirty years later, I remember the details of some of these nightmares.

When I confessed my embarrassing secret to Lisa that not only was I afraid of clowns at the time, but I had also been afraid of them for awhile, Lisa realized that pretty much all of the clown dolls she had given me were resulting in anxiety and nightmares, and thankfully, she was very understanding about my white lies. I was ashamed that not only had I been lying to her by pretending to like the clowns for months, but I was also old enough to know that porcelain dolls really don’t come to life and kill people- in theory. I was embarrassed about it for quite awhile, so much so that I avoided her for some weeks afterwards. Despite the fact that she had also seen the movie and insisted that I was definitely not ridiculous at all for being terrorized by a collectible clown, I remained a bit ashamed for years. In retrospect, it must have been pretty comical for her to realize that with her limited college student finances, she had spent a moderate amount of money on accidentally scaring the hell out of me. How could she have possibly known that my clueless, foreign grandmother would show a Stephen King movie to little kids?   Even at the time, I recall my grandmother being confounded that we children were frightened by the evil clown that lured children into the sewer, severed limbs, ate them and could emerge from any water pipe it desired, not to mention a career defining performance by Tim Curry that helped bring the movie to life. When I revealed to my mother that my grandmother had subjected all four of us children to this four part bloodbath, my mother was furious. Many expletives in Farsi ensued.  

I received no further clowns following the revelation that what I felt for them was the opposite of gratefulness. If there was a lesson to be learned from this, perhaps it would be that one should not pretend to like a gift, for that gift may become a curse. Or maybe the lesson is that it’s better not to let a person who thinks Stephen King is appropriate for children babysit your kids carte blanche for extended lengths of time? I suppose I learned both.

CDC, NIH, Fauci Admit Covid-19 Vaccines Do Not Stop the Spread of Covid-19

The argument for mandating the Covid-19 vaccine for those who refuse it is that it will stop the spread of Covid-19. As the National Institutes of Health, the Centers for Disease Control and Dr. Fauci have ALL stated in the links below that the vaccine does NOT in fact stop the virus from being transmitted, what is the logic for mandating the vaccine??





Vaccine Passports in Canada and Australia

See site below for info on fighting this draconian regime in Canada- site includes info on people having their movements restricted for not getting the vaccine- regardless of medical contraindication and other issues.


More Studies on Effects of Covid-19 Vaccines

Below is a link to a study that I haven’t fully read but saving here as it sounds interesting. Subject is blood changes after Covid shot.


Notable thought- it is said that the flu vaccine changes every year in predictions of which strains of flu will be present. Many wonder- why are the current Covid-19 shots not being reevaluated for effectiveness or changed for different strains of Covid? Government and public health officials have publicly declared several different strains yet the shot remains the same.

Can’t recall where I read this- but the original strain of Covid-19, the alpha strain- is either gone or most have immunity to it already. In the field of science, one key component of the scientific process is to evaluate what is working and what is not. This is an essential part of science. The fact that this is essentially missing in the Covid-19 discussions should alarm anyone with a scientific background.

Registered nurses are required to take microbiology and in some cases public health courses. Research and evaluation is a part of achieving a degree in science. I have done masters level work in public health and the first course I took was epidemiology.

What I learned in that course almost entirely contradicts the so called public health measures directed towards Covid-19. For example- there is a difference between pandemic and endemic. Pandemic implies short term rapid increase of a disease worldwide. Endemic is once a disease has basically become part of other diseases that are not going away. For a more concrete example- let’s say we suddenly saw a rapid increase of the rare (usually found in Africa) disease Ebola in the US. Then we would have an “Ebola epidemic”. Once the epidemic would be contained, it would be over. If Ebola cases remained stable in the US- it would then be considered endemic after a period of time.

Link below describes “endemic” versus “pandemic”


To be updated…


Minnesota Nursing Home Deaths Due to Covid-19: it’s not what you think

Freshman governor Tim Walz has long been criticized for his handling of Covid-19 management in Minnesota. From invoking and retaining emergency powers (making him the sole decision maker for the entire state) for over two years to shutting down small businesses while allowing big business to drive other business owners out of state, to mandating school shutdowns for months on end- this governor has bungled everything.

One of the lesser publicized things that Walz has done was the shuttling of Covid-19 patients into nursing homes. Yes, when the hospitals filled up- Walz not only shut down the Covid-19 dedicated hospital to convert it into a homeless shelter, he also sent patients who had Covid-19 to nursing homes. During the lockdowns, meaning the residents of the nursing homes were prisoners to their own demise as scores of elderly residents died.

The link below details how Walz made the decision, the cost in human lives, and an audio recording detailing that the Minnesota governor, up for re-election in November has no regrets.


“Excess Mortality” in Otherwise Healthy Youth- Nothing to See Here

Countries with the highest Covid-19 vaccination rates are also finding themselves with the highest “excess mortality” rates of young, healthy people getting the vaccine then abruptly dying as vaccine mandates were at their height.


The link above (credit to Mark Steyn of GBNEWS.UK, accessed August 28, 2022)

In summary: athletes and young people alike are suffering from sudden death mysteriously following the Covid- 19 shot. Cause of death? “Unknown” broadcaster Mark Steyn of GBNEWS under fire for reporting these sudden deaths and emphasizing “correlation is not causation”. He repeats that after every report of an athlete or otherwise healthy youth keeling over of “unknown causes” shortly after being mandated to receive the Covid-19 vaccine. I have screenshotted this info in case the broadcast “disappears” for some reason.

Cardiac arrest in a previously healthy athlete 37 years old 48 hours after Covid-19 vaccine
Deaths of healthy youth correlate when vaccine mandates were at their peak
Majority of “unknown causes of death coming from most vaccinated countries

Cardiologists claim increase in heart problems in people under the age of 30 caused by “herbal supplements”…suspicious claim as herbal supplements have been available for decades and the rise in cardiac issues in youth has occurred since the Covid vaccine became mandated. To quote a reporter “correlation is NOT causation!”


Link to study confirming need for further investigation into serious adverse effects of Covid-19 vaccine:

Research in Progress: Covid Vaccine Serious Adverse Reactions and Deaths

Why is the Covid-19 vaccine being literally forced on every individual when the disease itself is still not even close the top ten causes of mortality, either in the US or internationally? Even more disturbing, the new vaccines adverse reactions and side effects and being played down, hidden, erased and minimized by many sources- most notably the American government and CDC.

These “vaccines” are now being required for many individuals in order to work. This is coercion at best. For example, the entire medical field is expected to receive this vaccination and no other. Why? Why this one? Many more people die of the flu, yet that vaccine is not mandatory for health care workers. Many health care workers have been forced out of the field because of their objections to getting a new, suspicious, and unnecessary “vaccine”.

Due to the extreme censorship on many platforms, I am collecting stories and data about the “vaccine” that is not easily found.

I recently read a personal story of a man who’s wife got the “vaccine” during her pregnancy, their baby was born with one arm.

This would not be the first time in history that a drug or vaccine was encouraged by government and/or medical professionals and later was found to be more harmful than anyone had known at the time.

Take a look at the multiple polio vaccine manufacturers in the 1950s. One company/ Cutter Laboratories – created and distributed a polio vaccine so deadly that it killed or permanently disabled so many people- it was eventually taken off the market and created the March of Dimes- an advocacy group for people with disabilities.


Research currently being collected and will be updated frequently.

Note- the link below has some questionable info. I ran it by a lab technician that I know when I saw inconsistencies in the graphs. She hasn’t had time yet to look into the stats claimed here versus population of UK stats, but I have. I would take the info from the link below with skepticism.


Haven’t gone through this list of research yet but looks promising:


The collection of info above- I have not fully vetted for accuracy. However, I sent it to a lab technician friend who is reviewing it with me. She was more interested in taking the experimental shot while pregnant and effects on the fetus. Here is what she shared with me- names have been cropped out to protect privacy.

Because accurate information is so ridiculously hard to find, I started asking for personal stories from people I trust:


A personal message from a friend- that I know- not some meme I found on the internet

Regarding side effects- particularly blood clots and reports of unusual nerve activity- I personally know two people that have been suffering from nerve pain and neuropathy after getting the Covid shots. My lab technician friend sent me this:

Actual messages between my friend and her friend
A message from my lab technician friend about people in her own family post vaccine


The above link is to the vaccine adverse reaction website maintained by the CDC. If you’re not familiar, this where adverse reactions to all vaccines are supposed to be reported. Here is a brief summary of the article from the link above:

The article goes on to detail the many serious adverse reactions reported regarding children in different age groups. Now be aware that, in Minnesota anyways, the risk of a child dying from Covid-19 virus is effectively 0.

0.2 child deaths per 100,000 children in a one year long period. That’s less than 1. Significantly less.
Posted September 1, 2022

Toxic Behavior: How To Stop Accepting It

If you’ve noticed that people seem to walk all over you or you’re constantly getting involved in friendships or romantic relationships that are one sided or abusive, it’s usually not random.

It means you have to take an objective look at yourself and see how you enable others to treat you this way after you’ve seen the red flags and know that you are being mistreated. Some examples of a toxic or one sided relationship include: being taken for granted, expressing your emotions only to have them ignored, minimized or outright denied, being insulted either directly or through back handed compliments, being expected to be at someone else’s beck and call, feeling as if you can’t express yourself because you are ridiculed for your opinions or feelings….the list goes on. Bottom line- somewhere in your head or heart, you know you’re being mistreated.

Once you have recognized this- if you continue to interact with this person voluntarily- it’s time to ask yourself “why?” “Why am I putting up with this?” I think we mostly know that people don’t change unless THEY want to. So to subject yourself to abuse or maltreatment is generally also a choice. I’m not talking about people who are married and fear for their lives if they leave. That is an entirely different situation. I’m talking about staying friends with someone who you know is using you. Or dating someone who insults you.

Personally, after leaving a relatively short term but intense relationship with an abuser, I took a good, long look at myself and why I tolerated and even excused the behavior. I wasn’t married to him, I wasn’t financially dependent on him, we didn’t live together or have a life together. I was with him voluntarily even though as time went on, the signs that he was becoming more aggressive were impossible to ignore or explain away.

I realized that I am a “giver” and generally expect that others will reciprocate. That is a fallacy. Some people will and some won’t. Some people can easily identify “givers” and use that as an opportunity to drain them of their energy, resources, and whatever else I have to offer. I don’t know if I was born a “giver” but I do know I have been needing to work on holding to my boundaries for some time now.

Being a single mother and a nurse- giving and giving and giving became normal. Prior to that, I had a relatively healthy set of expectations for how people should treat me and I stuck to it. But 14 years of nonstop giving took its toll.

I read recently “we teach others how to treat us”. That is why having boundaries and sticking to them is essential. For example- when someone says they will meet me at a certain time- they should be there or call if late. That was my first red flag in my last relationship. He was late to our first meeting, didn’t mention it, didn’t call, didn’t apologize.

Throughout the relationship I realized that I was doing all the work. Or the vast majority, anyways. Another red flag was his entitled behavior. He came to expect me to give, yet didn’t thank me nor did he reciprocate the giving. I was often the first to tech out, the one who planned things, the one who addressed issues. That is an unbalanced relationship and those types of relationships are generally not happy ones. The giver becomes tired and resentful.

As I became more annoyed and fed up, I started complaining almost nonstop. All the giving was draining. Eventually, I just ended it on a whim. And at the urging of friends who tend to be less biased because they view things from the outside looking in.

More examples of toxic behavior: not thanking you for things you do, not accepting “no” as an answer, feeling like you can’t be honest with the individual because you’re afraid of their response, back handed compliments, insults- both subtle and outright, constant criticism, treating you as a child who cannot make your own decisions and blaming others as a pattern.

The solution to this is to spot this behavior in others as soon as possible and cut off contact. Don’t feel guilty about it. You know what’s best for your life. You don’t owe people anything unless it’s your children or sometimes maybe your parents.

Develop and nurture boundaries. If you “over give”- knock it off. Stop offering to help people and help yourself until you’re in a place where you can give what you want to give and not feel obligated about it. And if you find yourself giving more than the other person, if that person is valuable to you- have a talk with them. If they won’t listen, they are not a real friend or partner. Some will give insincere apologies but then proceed to behave the same way.

We have to hold others and ourselves accountable for not accepting toxic behavior from others. And there does come a point if you keep accepting toxic behavior that you become an enabler. So drag your self esteem out of the dumpster and realize that YOU deserve better and tactfully yet firmly hold to your boundaries. Which are decided by you.

I have decided my boundaries include that friendships must be reciprocal, I don’t accept petty criticism, I don’t accept people who don’t return my calls, I don’t accept insults (even under the guise of “it was a joke!”) No, no, no. These are some examples of the more popular ways that toxic people will attempt to break you down, there are more I am sure but those are the ones that immediately come to mind.

So figure out your boundaries, spot people who are “takers”, and don’t feel guilty for taking care of yourself FIRST.

Alice Reborn and Reimagined

Tired of the same old, same old…Alice reinvented herself overnight. She was told by an old friend to “bring some of that old Alice back, from high school, the one who spat on Nazis and took no shit”.

It took Alice a couple weeks to remember that girl. Oh yes, now she remembers…that girl was the hottest, most exciting, daring, outspoken and wild adventurer around. She was irresistible to be around. Her top priority was fun and everything interesting. If someone bored her, she would politely ignore that person indefinitely. She skipped small talk always and wore what could only be described as costumes. She was wildly popular for her creativity, openness and willingness to try anything.

It was her life goal to shock others in some way. Not necessarily badly- but she lived like there was no tomorrow and it showed.

Alice woke up yesterday with her “old self”. Her mischievous, trouble making but good intention having teenage self. Immediately, she stopped being “normal” in any sense of the word. From that point onwards, it was all about being that girl again.

And as it turns out- people still love that irreverent, outside the box non conformist rebel. Alice has not only been busy fielding dates, she is getting marriage proposals from men tired of what Alice assumes to be “the same old”. Nope, Alice is a rare jewel. She now describes herself as having stepped off the pages of a story, which is actually true. She has left the blog and is out roaming the world looking for her next adventure.

“Young Alice” had never settled for one boy. Never. And neither will she do so now. As the Beatles famously said “it’s all in the mind”. Okay. She settled one time and one time only. That boy was four years her senior and worshipped her. And she was struck by his looks, his behavior, his sense of humor, his personality….the first boy she had ever thought “wow, I am tongue tied. This guy is amazing.” Funny, his name was Eric. And he was amazing to her. Amazing. He was her rock…but Alice was young, way too young for a serious relationship.

And since then, she’s never really settled down. She wonders if maybe she’s not the settling type. And maybe she shouldn’t be. She loves getting to know new people too much. And there are so many people out there.

So now, for gags, Alice is posing as a crime fighting loner. Next week, it could be a vampire slaying warrior. Because Alice has indeed stepped off the page and into the world to shake things up. She tried “adulting” and “conformity”….wasn’t for her.

Back to exposing truths, breaking hearts and doing things that are risky, dangerous and exciting. Life is for living. And Alice is ready to start living again.

Alice Wishes Happy Trails

To the current Lief, the Lief incoming, every Dorian Gray- Alice wishes only the best. She can only vaguely imagine what sort of nightmare it would be to be unable to live in her own body, with herself.

The myths of Narcissus and Dorian Gray are so similar. Many people are beautiful. Or maybe that is Alices perception? Alice has accepted many people as beautiful regardless of what current terminology suggests.

However, beauty and even caring are not enough. Alice has had a good friend. A friend that she managed to keep from Lief, a friend who wouldn’t desert her, a friend that she struggled whether or not she should date to him or Lief over…he became and stayed friends with Alice. Through everything. The most embarrassing acts that could be imagined- too late- she couldn’t help it and loves the other man. And is just realizing it now.

Lief Before…But Still Is

Alice had been studying the abnormal psychology of the sociopath. Sometimes known as a malignant narcissist. She now knows all the signs, the motivation, what to watch out for. What she hadn’t considered was that she would encounter practically the same man- a decade younger.

This “new” Lief is shockingly similar to the one she had left…difference being he had yet to develop his looks to an advantage (or somewhat of one- Alice had noticed that Lief had been aging much more quickly than normal). She wondered if Lief and all those like him suffered from a Dorian Gray type problem. Once taking the image of themselves from the mirror, they shatter it, likewise shattering the lie that is their “ageless beauty”.

Lief had been youthful into his 30s. But once his wife left him after years of abuse, the deterioration did not take long to set it. For the first time, Lief saw himself. His real self. And it was terrifying. He was a horrendous monster. Lovable only to those who he could trick into believing his beauty.

Alice, still accepting that the man was not who he said or appeared to be- was shocked to find another almost identical man ten years his junior. Alice almost immediately recognized the poor social skills, the lack of friends, the poorly disguised attempts to get her into bed. But this time- Alice is not being so hasty.

Alice knows she cannot train another human to learn empathy or take self responsibility but she can’t help but be too curious about this new Lief. In fact, this one was far more handsome than the last. If only he dressed up a bit and cleaned up his manners. Alice is spellbound to have this clone professing his love for her.

She naturally runs from danger, but her curiosity has always been her downfall. She has, at times, been able to separate herself from the people she studies and she believes this to be one of the occasions. The same man…a decade younger….how would he behave?