Liberty Mix and Mingle Champlin, MN

Also known as the re-election fundraising campaign for House Reps Lucero, Bahr, Heinrich and Mekeland.

“The Mingling”

I was running about 20 minutes late. So maybe it was my misunderstanding or I missed most of the “mingling” part, but prior to the speeches starting- which would continue for the next hour and a half, I spoke with Rep McDonald and Rep Cal Bahr first. I overheard them arguing about whether the emergency powers were unconstitutional and knew I had to be a part of that conversation. Bahr was saying it was “technically legal” while McDonald disagreed on the basis of the churches being shut down. I was actually the one who brought up shutting down churches. We ended up not coming to a consensus on this.

Attorney General hopeful Dennis Smith on the left. Rep. McDonald on the right. Didn’t catch the name of the woman in the middle.

Before the speeches really started, there was the pledge of Allegiance to the Flag and a prayer from a black minister- think his name was Tim. I had my son with me and we are Jewish so that part was a little bit awkward.

Lucero: the first thing that Lucero discussed was false accusations of being a RINO. I was unaware of these accusations and he didn’t detail where they came from nor what they were exactly. I have been following Lucero for several months now and he has never struck me as being a “lazy politician”. It seems like he’s quite active, both in making bills, making appearances, public speaking and pretty much what you would expect a representative to do. Lucero also took a moment to highlight that the media ignores what he and most of the Republican Party has been doing in Minnesota.

Examples included multiple attempts to impeach Walz, authoring bills to stop Vaccine passports and other relevant actions. Will attach a photo of his flier.

Lucero spoke the most about the issues I care about- which are stopping the unilateral abuse of power by the Governor and stopping the fairly obvious attempt to turn the US into a communist empire. He said communist even. Later Reps would water it down to “Democratic socialism”.

Rep Cal Bahr spoke next- I liked him because he seemed more straightforward than others. He spoke about campaigning in ones district, day to day activism, helping to undo the brainwashing (he didn’t put it that way, but I think that’s what it boils down to). He applauded the grassroots efforts of Minnesotans occupying school board meetings. He mentioned Walz’s abuse of power and it was at that point that I started shouting out questions. My question was “how does Walz still have so much power when he has admitted IN PUBLIC that there is no public health emergency anymore?” That’s not made up. He’s said that- repeatedly.

Talking with Gazelka:

Bahr answered my question, sort of, but at this point I was distracted by Paul Gazelka standing in the back of the room and resolved to interrupt his conversation and see what I could find out from him. But I led with, “I troll you on social media, I don’t think you have the votes to run for Governor, are you really planning on that?” He said “yes, I feel like I should- I have the backing of the Gun Owners Caucus, the NRA…” and I said “but you realize if you don’t win, we’re getting four more years of Walz and that will destroy us”. He acknowledged this but I don’t think it sunk in.

I asked him “why do we still have Jan Malcolm? She works in PR! I am a nurse and as such, this whole thing is, well, infuriating. Is it because she’s a lesbian, you are worried about backlash from that community?” He said “it takes 34 senate votes to get rid of a commissioner” and told me a personal story, at which point I told him I’m not a reporter and that I’m not taping him. Which was both true.

Gazelka made it clear to me that removing Jan Malcolm was simply off the table. I did commend him on the removal of the environmental commissioner. That was clever. Surprisingly (to me), Gazelka was calm and classy through the entire conversation. I didn’t view myself as so much being rude as “just giving it to him straight”, which is how I like to get my information also. Plus, I didn’t know when I’d be getting another opportunity to dissuade him from gambling our state like this- so I seized the moment.

Having a Cigarette Outside With the PR Guys:

At this point, I was whisked away by two guys who were not dressed up. One of them was maybe in his 30s and the other one I incorrectly assumed was his son, but turns out they’re both working on the PR issues- specifically social media. I was thrilled to see that after complaining that the media doesn’t cover them- the republicans at least were making a PR effort, something I’ve been repeatedly pushing for since I left the Democrats last year.

One of the Reps joined us, explaining that we had to hide in back because public officials have to smoke cigarettes in secret haha. It was true though. I mentioned that I was quitting at 40- which is coming up- and he said “oh yes I said that too, also said that at 30 and 20”. This Rep was the sort of person I could get along with.

Anyways, I exchanged info with these guys, they were mostly confused about who the hell I am and what I do. I am not sure I fully explained myself and I didn’t have a rote answer to that either. “I am trying to save Minnesota?” That’s my agenda, basically. And I run a social media group and seem to have some talent for writing and research.

Back Inside The Speeches Continue:

Lucero was back on deck. He was addressing issues that I knew had come up many times amongst people I’ve spoken to- election integrity, mostly.

I think Lucero said he was part of the lawsuit against our Secretary of State, Steve Simon that lost at first but is later won in the court of appeals?? I may have info wrong here but I am almost certain Lucero said “(Simon) is in defiance of 3 cases of election fraud”…will double check on this.

There was discussion of election integrity involving 2022 Biden- this was brought up by Child Protection League member and President I think, Michelle Lentz. I don’t recall if there was a clear answer although I reference to Simon (I believe) Lucero said that the win in the court of appeals “affirmed” direct quote- “affirmed election fraud had occurred”.

Rep. Carlson from Crawford spoke for a few minutes again about the media misrepresentation of republicans and the omission of their positive actions. There were further calls for volunteers- door knocking, running for office, running for school board. It was then revealed that the PR guy I exchanged contact info with was their new media director.

Second Amendment Talk:

Rob Doar- political director of the Gun Owners Caucus then spoke for a few minutes about how he was working to protect second amendment rights. I can’t say I was completely on board with his story illustrating his support as it was a controversial story. He discussed how someone who I think was charged with some sort of domestic issue had his gun taken away- which if the guy is guilty- it’s my opinion and fact that he shouldn’t have a gun as guns and abusers don’t mix very well- I think the statistic is that having a gun around an abuser makes homicide 100 times more likely. I’d have to review that, however.

Anyways, he made his point- the republicans are absolutely going to support gun ownership.

Somehow, impeachment of Walz came up again and this time it was framed as “but we’ll be left with Peggy Flanagan”. I had learned by now to stop yelling out questions and rather started writing notes and having my son deliver them.

For some reason, maybe it was because Gazelka had seemed more laidback and accessible- I wrote him a note stating “the left is tearing Flanagan apart on Line 3, let them fight. The left is splintering and that’s essential for us to recover our state”. And it’s true. The Democrats are no longer one party. There are the ones that are more like me 5 or 10 years ago and there are ones that are totally okay with destroying the state and it’s people to create a new order and eliminate any semblance of representative government.

Tiff with Senator Matthews:

I can’t recall who it was who said “they’re completely doing away with police officers in Minneapolis” which is old news but okay- this was my last outburst. I hollered “what do you think about Biden’s push for UN Peacekeepers across the ENTIRE country??” Oh wait I remember who it was- Senator Matthews. His response: “not my district”. I was shocked into silence. I was thinking “maybe not yet, but it’s coming, so you all are going to have to be ready for this. Unless you’re okay with it!” Oh, I also asked about libertarians. I just said “where do you stand on libertarian involvement?” A decent answer was made “we’re happy to have them involved” although I think a better answer would have been “we will work with anyone that’s fighting along side of us!”

Matthews also threw his support behind Gazelkas run for Governor. Gazelka then grabbed the mic one more time to remind us of Senate File #1- supporting business? I don’t know. Things seemed a bit chaotic at this point and I overheard Mekeland saying nobody had bid on his gas card. They had a raffle, not sure if I mentioned. So I went over to the table and “drunk bid” on everything I was even mildly interested in.

Gazelka Brief Speech:

I don’t know if this was news to anyone but he basically announced that he is running. What went from “probably” was now a certainty. He mentioned House File 8 and House File 9- which I’ll have to look into. Gazelka says his other big issue- in addition to protecting gun ownership is crime. That’s when things got more interesting.

The Most Interesting Part of the Evening

An audience member told us about the Minnesota Freedom Fund (which I already knew about) but also talked about a larger celebrity freedom fund which is basically paying bail for criminals being charged with some serious crimes- like murder. So if there is bail set, murderers are walking away much more easily with that bail help. Personally, I see no justification for murder and think murderers are pretty much the worst of the worst. I’m a pacifist- I only believe in using violence for self defense.

The minister or whatever he’s called- sorry I really don’t know!- he grabbed the mic and yelled at everyone in the room. It was epic. He said “listen up White people! The cities are overrun with crime and YOU think you’re safe out here! You’re not!” So I piped up and said “hey, I’m in the suburbs and crime is up where I live too!”

He said “thank you!” And gave the mic back to whoever.

Representative McDonald from Wright county spoke and it was a moving speech about human rights and it was obvious that McDonald is very much a Christian. He was inclusive, however, in discussing Judeo-Christians and overall, I did tune out a bit but he seemed so genuine. He also celebrated the overflow of people showing up at school boards to object to CRT. He encouraged us to run for school boards. I hated to mention that I had heard that school boards were on the chopping block and that the state may be taking over public schools completely.

The Evening Concludes with Me Shooting a Few Dirty Looks:

So, they hustled us out of there pretty quick after the speeches. I was informed that I had won every raffle I had put in for- the wine basket, four tickets to any Twins game I wanted to attend, and two gift cards.

In exchange, I got some personal phone numbers. I think. I have not tried them yet. Very interesting evening and you better believe that there will be a follow up article to this- more like a letter- to the republicans I met the other night filling them in on how to not lose the state.

Also I had a final glass of wine and complained loudly at the bar about “we the people” and “why couldn’t we ask questions” and this is our state…to my son but loud enough so that everyone who walked past me and may have doubted whether they are a RINO or not would hopefully be stepping up their game. I also unabashedly had a cigarette right in front at a table.

No More Masks On Children, period.

ACLU and the federal constitution trumps any state mandate. ACLU guarantees children the right to equal access to school.

Negative health effects of masking children:

https://www.city-journal.org/masking-children-unnecessary-and-harmful?wallit_nosession=1

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2021/07/28/us/florida-anti-mask-protesters-school-board-meeting/index.html

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2021/07/28/us/florida-anti-mask-protesters-school-board-meeting/index.html

Kangaroo Court- Family Law Corruption

Work in Progress by Kristina Tehrani 7/27/2021

I found out a few years back that civil court is basically bullshit court. There is no penalty for perjury- in fact, it’s expected. The law is completely ignored and I mean, completely. There appears to be no greater kangaroo court than family court.

There are published laws to family court. The laws and the practice do not intersect. The reason for this is multifold.

First, nobody in family court cares about the actual laws. The claim is that “the child’s best interest should be protected” but the practice is that “we will tolerate this best interest crap while it suits us but we don’t like to work so if you think you have a better idea, we don’t want to know. Agree with what we say or we will destroy you and your baby”.

Nobody told me that when I was looking for an attorney with my newborn premature baby in the dead of winter. Her father sued for joint everything immediately after she was born. Nobody seemed to care that he didn’t want a baby and made that abundantly clear to anyone who would listen. He attempted to drug me while pregnant with his baby. That didn’t work. He tried to have me psychiatrically committed while I was pregnant. He had found out that stress can contribute to miscarriage because I had one with him already. A miscarriage although he told any of my family members who would listen that I “made the whole thing up”. The pregnancy. Four months later, he couldn’t deny any ultrasound. We had agreed that we would have a child. I was at a point in my life where I no longer believed in love and believed in “working together” instead.

He claimed to agree with this. He and I were on the verge of splitting due to his manipulative behavior, refusal to do chores, verbal abuse, sexual abuse and attempting to control and manipulate my psychological records. I had just decided to leave my medical position, as that felt unfair also. The company had gotten to a point where the supervisors like myself we’re not allowed any breaks- not even a minute to use the bathroom. Not only that, but I was expected to work from home without pay. So I drafted my letter of resignation and decided that this boyfriend was next.

Ironically, this month we had had an unprotected encounter once. One time. One 20 second increment in my life and that was it- I was pregnant again.

I reconsidered my plan to leave. I decided to give him “one more chance”. This following a long period of all kinds of abuse. Nobody told me that murder is the number one killer of pregnant women. I found out through research.

Almost everyone I knew told me “have an abortion. Save yourself”. But I couldn’t. The reason that I couldn’t was that I had one at the age of 14 and it really depressed me even though it was probably the right thing to do at that time. I knew afterwards that once my body was fully mature and strong- I wouldn’t ever be put in that position again.

I was wrong. I learned that being harassed, stalked and tortured are very harmful to a pregnant woman. And on top of this- I was physically exhausted. Normal for pregnancy. It took my doctor, who wasn’t even that great, to tell me “you stress about the stalking and won’t get a restraining order, you WILL lose this baby”.

Backing up to the relationship itself, the problems did not start with the pregnancy. There had been problems for almost the entirety of the relationship.

I had known this man, Paul, for years. He was dating a friend of mine and we would double date with them frequently. As cigarette smokers, and our partners not being smokers, we found ourselves frequently talking outside while smoking. Paul seemed charismatic, funny, calm and normal. We didn’t spend time together without our significant others though. He lived with his girlfriend and I got the idea that it wasn’t a great relationship, but never gave it much thought. I was too busy ending my relationship, which also involved divorce.

A few months after ending my relationship, I reached out to Paul to basically complain about my ex. I discovered that Paul had also left his girlfriend and was sleeping on his bosses couch. Why he was crashing on a couch at the age of 40, I don’t know. He had his own thriving business. Another thing I didn’t give much thought to.

We went out for drinks, which turned into a date. Which turned into several dates and a relationship. He wasn’t really my type- he didn’t discuss politics or art. He didn’t seem interested in philosophy or history. We just didn’t connect very well on an intellectual level. However, my last relationship having been a roller coaster ride to hell- I welcomed the banality.

He wasn’t boring, and he was “good on paper”. No baggage that I could see. Out of practicality on both of our parts, I had him move in with my son and I after several months. That’s when things started to change.

Less than a month after moving in, he scheduled a back surgery. He was on prescription pain killers for his intolerable back pain. So, it seemed to make sense for him to fix the problem and get off the drugs. He drank too, whiskey- a lot of it. I knew that probably wasn’t a good idea mixed with pain medication.

After a nights stay in the hospital, he came back home. He had probably five bottles full of different prescription pain medication. It became clear that he was abusing it right away as he was completely incoherent for a good week. I was alarmed and began to regret my decision to have him move in.

He seemed to enjoy circular arguments that went nowhere and at times, would video record me without my knowledge to “show me” my inappropriate behavior during arguments. And we argued about EVERYTHING. I started to wonder if the arguments had nothing to do with the subjects we argued about but more to do with sport on his part. Some “arguments” would last for hours before I would give up thinking “this will never go anywhere”. He is not hearing me and no matter how I phrase things, not getting through.

What I thought was communicating, he considered “arguing”. That meant any request I made an invitation for him to have a tantrum, fake cry, give me the silent treatment or spout a bunch of gibberish. And it WAS gibberish- he made up words, used words the wrong way- he made no sense. I later read that this was a common tactic of people who are manipulative.

On one occasion, he faked a seizure during an argument. I did not know what to do, I had never seen such a thing- I didn’t know if it was real or fake. I got my answer when I dialed 911 for medical attention for him. He made an instantaneous recovery. The police showed up in record time and not only was Paul NOT writhing on the floor, he was perfectly coherent. The police left and Paul never had another “seizure”.

On another occasion, Paul and I were sitting on my bed arguing about therapy. I wanted him to go to therapy with me to resolve our communication issues and he didn’t think we had communication issues. After about an hour, I became so frustrated that I decided I needed space and started to head for the bathroom, which has a lock on the inside. He grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me back so hard, I fell onto the concrete floor, hitting my head. It didn’t occur to me to call the police for this- which was held against me in family court.

The arguing could be anything from “can you put away your dishes?” To “can you please take a left at the light?” To just about anything. I began to censor myself around him. But even being extremely careful about what I said- there was still room for bickering. So I stopped verbally interacting with him completely.

Once I stopped engaging in the arguments, he nitpicked at my behavior. He accused me of plucking my eyebrows too much. He told me I didn’t clean well enough, that I was eating the wrong things. Everything I did was wrong. My existence was wrong. The tension when Paul was around was palpable. I didn’t speak a word to him and he spoke to me through my son.

In the fall, I got pregnant. I knew immediately. I could just tell and a pregnancy test confirmed it after a couple weeks. I was very stressed to take sleeping or anxiety medication because of the possible effect on the baby.

Paul did not seem thrilled. He barely acknowledged it. Meanwhile, I was both anxious and exhausted from lack of sleep. I continued to work but I was miserable. In the end, I had a fairly early miscarriage- confirmed by my gynecologist.

Paul denied to me- to my face- that I had ever been pregnant. I was flabbergasted. I had no response for that other than I was beginning to realize that this relationship was toxic, if not all out abusive.

I had it my head that abusers were always physically violent. It didn’t occur to me that abuse can be manipulative, verbal and emotional. I didn’t even notice when it seemed that I spent no time with friends. It was work, taking care of my son, and avoiding Paul.

My mental health was deteriorating. I was mourning the miscarriage while being told it never happened, my partner was constantly telling me I was crazy and delusional, I had no friends to talk to and I felt trapped and alone. I later found out that Paul had been secretly calling my mother every week and “updating her” on my mental health, which according to Paul, was fragile, at best. He also told her and others that I invented the pregnancy.

I eventually ended up checking myself into the hospital for psychiatric care. Although the real reason was that I needed to be away from Paul. I wasn’t suicidal, hallucinating or having an extreme symptoms, but I was very tired. A friend came a visited me after a couple days in the psych unit and talked me into discharging, which the doctors fully supported- given that there were people there who needed psychiatric help more than me. I needed to break up with Paul.

I was beginning to plan my break up with him when I got pregnant. If things were bad before, they were hellish now.

To be continued…

For Kathleen….Wherever I May Find Her

By Kristina Tehrani July 26,2021

I’ve been a nurse for many years- about 13. I haven’t been working the entire time but I have several long term experiences under my belt.

One of my favorite nursing jobs was working for the GLBT population in an inpatient drug and alcohol treatment program. Why? Because it was fun and I learned a lot.

Also, even though my medical background wasn’t very extensive, my desire to learn and dedication quickly elevated me to a position of “charge nurse”. This is significant because there was literally NOT a doctor in the house. It was me or whoever else was the charge nurse.

My patients, for the most part, were gentle, kind and patient. They told me jokes and helped me with getting my hairstyle right for Halloween. If I forgot to put on eyeshadow- no problem! They had it! Sometimes it was hard to remember that this was a facility and not having coffee with friends.

I worked with some of my favorite nurses of all time there. It’s amazing how much you can learn about someone by their behavior alone. You don’t even need to know how to spell their last name- you know them through and though.

One such nurse was Kathleen. I loved her from the get go as she was brutally honest, yet somehow tactful and she was emotionally supportive to…everyone I think.

I had fallen on difficult times. I was married to a violent alcoholic and I had just gotten the diagnosis that my son had autism and that needed to be dealt with immediately. I was exhausted. I knew next to nothing about autism and that was frightening.

I was never opposed to taking antidepressants, but at this time, I didn’t have a doctor I trusted. Therefore, I screwed around with my medication myself (never a good idea).

Mornings were notoriously busy at this facility. Basically, four hours were spent on getting all 40 patients all of their medications plus checking vital signs and anything unexpected coming up.

One morning, I showed up for my usual day shift as charge nurse and Kathleen asked me “how are you doing?” I started to sob like the titanic was sinking. Her response? She shut the door and I said “what about the patients?” And she said “don’t worry about it”. She hugged me and let me cry on her shoulder for probably ten minutes while I choked out that my husband is not who i thought he was, that my son had autism, I don’t know what to do and I need a new psychiatrist….

So I cried it out, with the promise that I would adjust my medication.

Kathleen was kind to me like that. She was kind to everyone like that. I never thanked her.

Management changed after a year or two and the facility was looking to cut costs. They had already fired our highest ranking and by far most knowledgeable nurse. They were cleaning house and everyone knew it. My time came eventually. I didn’t do anything to really be fired for- especially after four years of loyal service. But they got a new nurse manager who didn’t seem to take issue with random firing.

Nobody wanted to fire Kathleen. She was well loved by patients and staff alike. I eventually found out that she was forced out of her position because they really had no grounds to fire her. She had worked there for at least 10 years.

I went on to public health nursing, which I also loved but I didn’t have a staff- it was me as charge nurse always. It was lonely. Plus I was involved with a man who didn’t want me working at all.

Once I got pregnant with my daughter, I left my last position for medical reasons. Then I had to deal with other things, like my newborns medical issues. And a custody battle that seemed to have a slash and burn feeling to it. It was the closest example to guerrilla warfare that I can imagine but worse as it attacked ones identity and faith in the law.

After that long two years, I was in no rush to associate with people (they can’t be trusted!). Maybe a year later, I felt safe enough to make a Facebook account to maybe (maybe!) connect with friends from “before”.

Kathleen requested to be my friend pretty quickly. I was thrilled to hear from her after all these years . She was insistent that we meet up soon so that she could meet my daughter and revisit with my son again. I was trying to schedule something with her when I got the news from another nurse friend.

Kathleen died. 60 years old- heart disease. I never got to thank her for holding me while I cried. I went to her mass (didn’t occur to me that she was catholic and pretty dedicated to it). My first outing in four years consisted of a Catholic mass. I realized that although Kathleen had died l- it didn’t mean I had to also. And completely isolating oneself from friends is a form of slow suicide.

I vowed to appreciate life and live it. No more hiding out at home because people are unpredictable. No, I was going to live the life I still had.

One month later, my state shut down and prohibited seeing people from other households. This lasted for over a year. The timing seemed almost biblical. A woman who loved life died and now I’m back in isolation- this time by mandate.

Taking My Continuing Education Credits to Keep My License…Bunch of BS so far.

Taking a 2 hour credit course on Covid-19. I would say that the information is not only inaccurate, vague and out of date, but also sources are questionable at best. This site literally is using CNN as a source of medical information. Because CNN is not biased and it’s a respected medical journal. What’s next?

So this course (which lots of nurses are taking), teaches us that Covid-19 originated in a “wet market” and passed from bat to cat to human. That’s what they’re saying. I heard Fauci recently admit that it came from a lab. From the words of our new Mengele himself. Plus everyone knew there was a whistleblower who mysteriously died from China. But no, we’re going with the other narrative.

They then detail how China covered up first SARS outbreak HOWEVER, we are going to continue to rely on their ongoing honesty. So we don’t learn anything from China covering up SARS.

The nursing education both claims that the virus is extremely frightening but also has a less than 2% death rate. Further, pretty much everyone who has symptoms will end up with deadly pneumonia and die. Soon. First they have all the other symptoms- many of which I had when I was sick with it- BUT you can count on pneumonia and kidney failure shortly thereafter.

So, I actually have had two chest X-Rays following my illness with Covid-19 and they were both clear. No pneumonia. Also, my kidneys have not failed. Not even close. You know how I can tell? My skin isn’t turning yellow. Kind of a classic sign of kidney failure. Oh and heart attack. Yep, expect that too.

I had COVID-19 last year- more than a year ago. Couple rough weeks including some confusion but I didn’t want to go in unless I was sure it was necessary. I decided if I couldn’t breathe or had symptoms of heart attack, I would go in. Didn’t happen. Since I recovered, I’ve had a full blood work panel and all cardiac enzymes are within normal range. And my kidneys did not fail. And no hepatitis. Or pneumonia.

I sincerely hope that other medical professionals are critically thinking, but I don’t know.

Oh, and also the contradictions within the education are notable as in “stay 3 feet away from people”, “super deadly but rarely kills” and “the only coronaviruses that can infect humans are alpha and beta type. Not the now infamous “delta variant”.

Losing My Best Friend to Lockdown Isolation

By Kristina Tehrani copyright July 27, 2021

I had this really smart, really funny, kind, well rounded friend who was a paid writer for a national publication. A paid writer! He did book reviews! He was also a recovering meth addict.

He had been sober for a few years. Was in a masters program for writing. He was already kind of vulnerable before the pandemic- he had lost his partner to suicide a few years prior and had relapsed after that. BUT he got clean again. However, he was still in mourning and single when the isolation in MN started. And lasted for many many months.

He and I would talk almost every day. We talked politics, philosophy, we would joke about things, we watched shows “together” but separately and discuss them. Mostly philosophical shows. I sold him on Medici: Masters of Florence as there were several gay characters- just historical reality- so he watched it.

A few months into the isolation, I noticed he was starting to unravel and become less and less coherent. I kept saying “you know I won’t judge you, you can tell me anything, it doesn’t matter to me” because something was obviously wrong.

Finally, I get a call from him and he’s panicking because his mother is “abducting him” and he’s worried that she has dementia. I asked to speak to his mom. He said no and hung up.

Later on, his mother called me and explained that he had completely relapsed on his drug of choice. He hadn’t been sleeping, he was depressed, and she was worried sick. He was behaving as if he had a death wish. She caught him prostituting himself for drugs.

I asked “how can I help? He won’t talk to me about any of this stuff”. She said she wasn’t sure but that she needed to get him into a long term rehab as the standard 30 days just wasn’t enough. I supported that- I mean, he’s my friend but I want him alive! I tried calling him several times following this incident. He didn’t answer. I have no idea what happened to him.

Kind of goes to show how lockdowns are harmful. Not just to people already suffering from some form of anxiety or depression, but to people previously healthy. And not just psychologically. So many of us are behind on preventative care, regular check ups, dental care, physicals. This is starting to improve but we are still seeing the fallout from people who had some medical condition or were at risk of something and not being seen for over a year- I’m having this problem too.

For over a year, I couldn’t get a pap. And I have to stay on top of that as I have a history of cervical cancer. I had surgery for it 20 years ago and it’s not come back full force. BUT I have finally scheduled a long overdue test, which may become a biopsy and I had an incident of hemorrhaging about a month ago to the point where I was confused, tired, weak. I had lost a lot of blood.

Even now- everyone has to go to appointments alone- well what if you don’t have a babysitter? That’s a barrier to care. What if you can’t wear a mask? Some people really can’t breathe with those on. Some people have anxiety attacks with those on. So those people just don’t get care?

I have an appointment in two days which may include surgery. The doc I saw- same one who did my surgery 20 years ago ironically- said “we’ll start with an ultrasound and pap, maybe biopsy and go from there but if I see anything, I’m taking it out”. I’m terrified.

I worry because I looked into the causes of hemorrhage and the solutions and many of them involve some form of hysterectomy. I really am not prepared to go into early menopause. Not at all.

I am lucky though that I reconnected with this doctor because my trust in medicine- because of my medical background- has plummeted during this politicization of healthcare and science. I trust her more than a stranger- but what about all the people who don’t have a provider they trust?

My point is, we’re still feeling the backlash of the lockdowns and I have opined that it’s increased everyone’s morbidity and probably shortened lives. We look at all the people we’ve lost to the virus, but also the people we’ve lost to drugs and alcohol, to suicide, to depression, that’s just the tip of the iceberg. The best way to prevent serious illness is preventative care. As a state, we went completely without that for over a year. Some are still struggling to get in. The deaths will continue and they’re not from the virus- they’re from a lack of preventative care.

Love In the Time of Cold Civil War or The Ballad of Jane and Tom

Part One

By Kristina Tehrani copyright 7/26/2021

In the near future, the United Districts of the North has split into two clear factions- the Group Think Party and those who seek to resist a totalitarian society. The split is neatly halved, with the Group Think Party attempting total dominance over the population who seek individual freedoms- otherwise known as the Resistance Party.

Factions of both persuasions are uniting and organizing on both sides although it seems the dystopian government wants to primarily cater to the communist agenda. Protests and rallies occur multiple times a day. Those on both sides are confused about whether they are being separated purposefully by the corrupt government- run by a small number of high power executives or whether their causes have some overlap.

For those that got involved and attend rallies, it is clear that they have chosen a side and although most of them are older, some are too busy organizing the resistance movement for any sort of personal life.

Jane is an organizer in the resistance movement. She believes that it’s possible that the corrupt government is attempting to divide people on multiple bases. Reason being, a nation divided cannot stand. Jane was doing her part, organizing, petitioning, spreading awareness. The last thing she expected was to fall in love.

Jane, in her late 30s, was not looking for a romantic partner. In fact, she was actively avoiding it. Too many things on her plate. She is working on herself, juggling several projects and professional business, has a lot of hobbies and is very active in those hobbies. She’s an avid reader, she’s a single parent, she’s trying to finish her damn book already but she’s also an activist.

One day, Jane went out to a rally with a few people she kind of already knew but there was someone unexpected there. She had been to a few of these rallies before and had not seen or noticed him before.

Tom drove up in an overheated compact black car that had duct tape everywhere and could only be described as “I can’t believe that thing runs!”. Pulled onto street parking, no going back and forth trying to get closer or further from the curb, and stumbled out of the vehicle in front of her, practically falling down. Alarmed, she offered him water immediately. He was red faced, pouring sweat and panting. She thought “this guy has heat stroke or something”.

He took the water, thinking it was soda for some reason- okay it WAS carbonated- but he drank it and said something like “I’ve been driving without air conditioning for three hours in a black car, who are you?” She said, “I’m with those guys, hey drink that water! You look like you’re going to collapse!”

He started to catch his breath and become coherent although both of them were a bit rattled (considering) that although she (Jane) hadn’t said so, she had also just raced over to the rally thinking it was at a later time for some reason. The man who stumbled out of his vehicle (Tom) appeared to be around her age, maybe a few years younger but they were both in their thirties. Nothing in particular struck Jane about Tom. He was very nondescript, just jeans and a t shirt blending in looking kind of person. Whereas Jane liked to wear colorful things and unintentionally attracted attention constantly. She usually didn’t notice though. And if she did notice, she rarely cared. Her clothes did not match. She was wearing bell bottoms practically and buttons on her plaid backpack- yes backpack- that say “be excellent to one another” and “peace”…not too many, just two.

Looking at these two people, you would probably think “huh? What do THEY have in common??”The lady has tattoos, an ear cuff, her hair is long and a bit messy. Her hair is black, her eyes almost look black- well they DO look black even up close because they are always dilated. Why?? Some Opthamalogist told her that there was a reason for this- she’s very sensitive to light and the eyes then dilate. So she wears sunglasses at night haha.

Her eyes are green mostly. A little bit of brown but nowhere near blue. Not even close. Her skin is olive toned and tan in some spots. She has been told she looks French or maybe Italian.

Tom, stumbling out of his car, appears to be her almost polar opposite. Cropped hair, very simply dressed, complete minimalist. Everything that adorned him had a purpose. He looked like a detective out of some 1950s film. All he needed was a black hat. But maybe that was left out on purpose? Too obvious?

The rest of the party arrives and decides to drive to a different location. Sally decided to walk as it was only a few blocks. The others, including Tom, drive as they wanted to be sure their cars would be safe. From robbery. And tire gouging. And possibly being set on fire? It’s happened! Recently! But Jane thinks “nah I’m not giving in to this, worrying is a waste of energy”.

A 10 minute walk later…

Turns out they are both smokers. Neither of them knew it at the time. Also they smoked the same brand of cigarettes. Having an inclination towards detective work- Jane, anyways (we’re still not sure about Tom)- she listens and takes notes in shorthand with pen and paper.

Toms Perspective:

She looks like a hippie- she seemingly came out of nowhere, her story checks out but she’s with US?? Tom thinks she’s a spy for the other side. What the hell is she up to? Hey, we have a lot in common I think. She’s dodgy with the questions, she can’t possibly be a reporter?? Then SHE comes up with the idea of drinking and having fun- okay…let’s see where this goes..pretty eyes.”

Jane is not a reporter, she just looks like one and its gotten her into hot water a number of times. She’s always looked that way and been evasive but as it turns out, that’s just how she learned to talk from her parents, who talked about politics and intrigue constantly. But she has no real connections to any detective agency or government agency or really any agency. She’s freelance and isn’t even selling the writing. And she’s not naming names. She keeps secrets when told.

They have too many drinks and end up back at her place. They literally dance- Jane leads because she has knows how to swing dance and teaches him. He’s a quick study. Both of them have all defenses down. Actually, they are having a ball. No kissing but how is that to be avoided? All night?? Can we ignore each other and go to sleep?? No. Not a chance. Doesn’t even come up.

Pretenses dropped, as Jane and Tom “watch” the movie (what movie?? I don’t know! Whatever is playing in the background!) maybe it was Inglorious Bastards, or something totally silly from the 1980s…does it matter?? Jane goes in for the kiss and that’s it. Dancing around the issue has stopped because she got her nerve together and just did it!

The response was completely welcome and mutually received. There was no hesitancy, no awkwardness, everything felt completely natural. They stumbled to the bedroom, attempting but failing to shed clothing along the way…Janes shirt was half off, Toms pants were completely off but he was still wearing very thick athletic shorts underneath! Sally couldn’t believe how many layers this man was wearing.

And what you would expect to happen, happened. Several times. And every time was good. At least good. Good is putting it very mildly. Jane basically felt as if she had fallen in love with Tom. Literally overnight.

They didn’t sleep to anyone’s recollection. They talked and joked and told each other stories all night. Neither of them had planned on this.

The following morning, they went out and did fun things like going to antique shops and making jokes but also trying to figure out what in the antique shop was valuable and what was junk??

It was the best unplanned date ever. Yes, better than Before Sunrise the movie. Throw in the espionage and that will get some wires quickly crossed!

So on both sides, the vetting begins. The investigators investigate. Sally finds out everything about Tom (she thinks!) and it does seem consistent with his story…

Meanwhile, at least on Jane’s end, most of her friends seem cautious at best. Well, a few were very encouraging but others disapproved. The people in Janes circle who disapproved with the relationship were older men who had already expressed a romantic interest in Jane. Jane had not even considered that. Jane is a little too trusting at times and takes statements at face value.

The accusations began to fly from Janes circle of the resistance. Allegations included that Tom was a spy from the other camp, he was infiltrating groups and leaking classified information. When Jane asked for clarification or proof, she was told “not to ask questions of people who’ve been doing this a lot longer than you”. This was the opposite of what may have stopped Jane from digging deeper.

In fact, she found it downright condescending. She concluded that certain members of her circle were capable of childish behavior, but not before getting confused to the point of panic. Jane fell into a depressive episode that could have been quite serious.

In the end, she communicated with Tom that she was in trouble. She sounded cryptic and frantic and Tom was worried sick.

See, Tom relived that first day of happiness between the two of them almost as a holiday. Jane’s positive attitude and enthusiasm for the cause rejuvenated him. They also seemed to enjoy many of the same things and had circumstances been different, they may have been a normal, happy couple.

But circumstances being as they are- the weight of the world on their shoulders- neither was at their best. Not even close. Jane wasn’t entirely sure about Toms background, but she knew that since joining the resistance, she had to fight to stay positive. She had to fight to not let the desire to change everything at once consume her. She couldn’t- she really had a life outside the resistance.

Jane and Tom both dealt with their stress in different ways. Jane was the sort to bottle it all up and hope it wouldn’t explode publicly . She drank alcohol to quiet her mind and make an unhealthy escape from reality.

Before the outbreak of war, Jane had led a simpler life. Things weren’t perfect but they were easier. That was before the entire population of the country- and particularly her district- had enforced mandatory isolation for all citizens.

Jane wasn’t too sure about Toms coping mechanisms. She knew that he yelled at times. She knew that he brawled with other people. She knew he brawled with objects too. Not that Jane couldn’t match him in anger. Her fear was that if she let the anger take over, she would never be able to control it again. So she kept adding to her box of things she would “deal with later”.

Jane loved and still loves Tom. Tom says he worries about Jane and her drinking – which is likely a valid point. However, Jane takes care of herself in other ways. She watches comedy, she gardens, she reads and writes. Jane builds bridges and is wise enough to know that everything can change in a moment and so live all those moments like they’re your last.

She worries about Toms hunger and water strike. He refuses to discuss any of it. He has started to become angry with Jane when she asks him questions or refuses to listen to hours of yelling. And then being told that the act of asking questions is offensive.

Tom became more and more angry as time went on. He seemed paranoid- imagining devils in every shadow. He quarreled with Jane. Sometimes over nothing at all. Sometime his anger seemed to spring from now where at all.

After weeks of listening to Toms daily histrionics, Jane found herself in a position of wondering, “is it me? Is it him? What and why?”

The answer produced itself almost as if by dark magic. Jane became ill. So much so that she was bedridden. Tom showed very little sympathy for Jane’s misery. He behaved as if it wasn’t even happening.

Jane didn’t want to believe what she was starting to suspect…that perhaps Tom had been unfaithful and given her this illness. She asked Tom, point blank, whether he was ill, as well. His wishy washy response was all she needed to confirm that she did indeed need further medical treatment.

Jane found herself in a clinic, alone and afraid- on the verge of tears. She knew she would be telling the same story that many other women had told before- “I thought he loved me, he told me there was nobody else”.

But Jane was seriously ill and required emergency medical treatment. When she informed Tom of her illness and his role in it- he told her she was lying- that somehow the government was responsible. He called her and sent her messages until she cut off his methods of communication.

Not long after that, as Jane awaited the results of the rest of the testing- testing which confirmed that not only had Tom been sleeping with someone else- but that he picked up some dangerous illnesses along the way- she was contacted by a friend of Tom. The friend expressed concern over Toms behavior. The friend had no idea what had transpired between Tom and Jane, Jane reluctantly but dutifully reported the essentials.